I woke up to the color of yellow vomit, the vomit that comes once there is nothing left from the years of growing in your stomach that could ever be there.
I laid on the bathroom in front of the toilet for what seemed like ages.
I hugged the toilet like my best friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years just praying it would give me just a little relief from the constant dry heaving of the yellow bile that came from the red hot fire pits of hell as it came up my throat.
Sometimes, I’d make it back to my bed, just to be reminded that the emptiness in my stomach was not the emptiness in my stomach and was now what was going to be either on the floor or back into the toilet.
I can’t tell you that I remember very much after that, other than waking up at some point drenched in sweat, vomit still stuck in my hair, shaking, and wondering why I had put myself thru this yet once again.
It was exactly what I always found at the bottom of the bottle, but it would never be enough to make me shy away because after all the bottom of the bottle was what I needed, it was what I wanted, and no amount of vomit, was going to keep me from getting what I both wanted and needed.
“I was the person I needed to be when I found the bottom of the bottle, I was the person I wanted to be when I found the bottom of the bottle!”
I found Love or should I say Passion, at the bottom of the bottle.
I met the man, that loved the addict that I had become and we made passion like fire and ice. We fought like Eminem and Rihanna, and there was no doubt that we were going to burn the house down and watch each other die for the passion of the fight, or the sex that would only succumb to that very fight.
Loving him was like loving the heroine, it was all I needed, and he and alcohol flowed thru my veins like the drug I could never let go of.
I found myself in the bottom of the bottle.
I am the one that everyone wants to drink with, I am the lover of tequila, music, late nights, and date nights, fueled with adrenaline, laughs, and intoxicated choices that made me feel like I was living.
I was living the best life of my life.
I found my clothes in the bottom of the bottle.
Tequila was my drink of choice, and old tequila sure did make my clothes fall right on off, to the ground; and with my southern charm it was no feat finding a man to oh so willingly take them off.
“I had already found love thru fire and ice, and when that was no good, the guy next door was waiting for the tequila to run thru my veins and into his pants.”
I found my life in the bottom of the bottle.
Just that, my life.
My entire life was totally & utterly inside the bottom of the bottle and I did not care.
My life became a way to make excuses for reasons that I deserved to drink , it became a way for me to know that if I just got thru 8am to 8pm that I could have my “Life” in the bottom of the bottle that I wanted to be living 24/7.
I found Macklemore inside the bottom of a bottle
& he saved my life.
I found OtherSide inside the bottom of a bottle
& it saved my life.
I found Starting Over inside the bottom of a bottle
& it saved my life.
If you are not an addict chances are you have no earthly Idea that those two songs even exist.
If you are an addict we can all agree that those two songs will speak to your heart better then any amount of alcohol or drugs ever will.
You will listen to them as you get high.
& You will listen to them as you get drunk.
& When you finally decide to get sober those songs will be your anthem, they will be there reminding you of the life you never want to go back to, the life you cannot go back to or you will die.
& when I say you will die, I mean You. Will. Die.
There will be no coming back, if you do not decide to get sober, your family will watch you wither away into nothing.
Your family will watch as you choose drugs & alcohol over everything you onced loved and needed.
Your family will watch as you choose drugs & alcohol over your kids, your mother, your father, everyone, and everything that ever made you a better person.
I found many things inside the bottom of the bottle, but finding Macklemore saved my life.
“Find what you need to save your life in the bottom of the bottle and get sober, it doesn’t matter what you find as long it reminds you everyday that being sober was, is, and always will be a lifetime better then being drunk or high every single day!”